House Of The Long Shadows

A writer makes a $20,000 bet he can write another 'Withering' Heights in 24 hours by staying the night in a spooky Welsh manor in this dimly lit horror comedy. Desi Arnaz, Jr. mispronounces Wuthering Heights, then journeys to an unpronounceable Welsh town. He gets lost, and someone tells him to 'take a right at the Crossroads, and the manor would find him in good time'. Having been at the Crossroads many times in order to haggle with someone about a guitar, I can tell you for sure that nothing good will come of that. So then Desi Arnaz wanders around in a dark manor for about ten minutes before he finds a candle. Much like an episode of X-Files, someone needs to find either a working flashlight or flip a light switch, because The House Of The Long Shadows is murky. Suddenly, John Carradine appears, and much like haggling at the Crossroads about a guitar, nothing good will come of that. Suddenly, Peter Cushing and a forced speech impediment appears, and much like when John Carradine appears, nothing good will come of that. Suddenly, Vincent Price appears, and he says, 'Don't interrupt me when I soliloquize', which is fine. Then everyone drinks punch. Desi Arnaz is pretty annoyed because he can't write his novel or eat his tin foil wrapped club sandwich, and I would be pretty annoyed by that as well. Suddenly Christopher Lee appears, and much like the mayonnaise on a tin foil wrapped club sandwich, nothing good will come of that. Then someone sings a song.

So, there's secret passages, candelabras, furniture covered in sheets, thunderstorms, and murder. Borrowing liberally from The Old Dark House, The House Of The Long Shadows is a fun little horror comedy, that is, until the ending is totally Fantasy Island-ed and everyone learns a valuable lesson.