The Witches Of Eastwick

Veronica Cartwright stars in this excessive, rumpled, and frizzy comedy.

In a town where everyone questions other folk's choice of undergarments at the supermarket but doesn't blink an eye at a main street supernaturally strewn with feathers, newspapers, and wicker furniture, Jack Nicholson's stunted man-ponytail appears, and Cher, Susan Sarandon, and Michelle Pfeiffer suddenly become desperately in need of a VO-5 Hot Oil Treatment.

Jack, Cher, Susan, and Michelle play a sexually charged game of tennis for months on end, and by "sexually charged" I really mean "tedious", where the tennis ball unconvincingly floats between the players and no one seems to be alarmed by that. Everyone fixates on an absurdly large and integral to the plot bowl of cherries, people float about magically suspended above languid indoor pools, and someone builds a bridge out of Susan Sarandon.

Oops, it looks as though someone removed the Monty Python clip from The Holy Grail where the townspeople accuse some poor woman wearing a prosthetic nose of being a witch which I always seem to post whenever I review a movie about witches, and replaced it with a completely unrelated trailer to the film Calamari Wrestler, and not a moment too soon, because I would certainly hate to be accused of repeating myself.

Oops, it looks as though someone replaced the clip from Monty Python of the witch from The Holy Grail that I was going to put here to draw attention to the fact I often repeat myself with a clip from the classic Disney live action film Escape To Witch Mountain featuring several astonishing creepy marionettes that I probably posted on several other reviews.

Speaking of things unrelated to The Witches Of Eastwick, The Witches Of Eastwick doesn't seem to have many witches in it, but it does have Jack Nicholson in an understated, subtle role as the coatrack for several rumpled overcoats.