Scientists with pith helmets carrying Geiger counters explore a newly formed cave in Mystery Mountain because it's in the script when they suddenly encounter a rape-y brain with eyes dangling from a string in this sci-fi film. There's scenery chewing, stock nuclear bomb test footage, several extremely creepy near-rapes, metallic contact lenses, and an airplane dangling from a string unconvincingly explodes while the parts get jumbled up in the strings and just sort of hover in the sky for a second. How can you not love a film where someone attacks a string-dangling brain with glowing eyes with an ax? Well, you can't because everyone loves that sort of nonsense. I watched it on Youtube. Here's a trailer:
A silver cone-like craft appears in Illinois while men who have pulsating Brain Eaters attached to their necks walk around town clutching mysterious glowing orbs and throttling innocent bystanders in this talky sci-fi film. There's voice-over narration, a couple become unconvincing locked in an unconvincingly tiny shed while it's unconvincingly on fire for some reason, and while being attacked by a Brain Eater someone shouts, "It's breaking open the skin!" because that's a thing people often say when being unconvincingly attacked by unconvincingly photographed and unconvincingly hamster-like Brain Eaters. There is an interesting "Brain Eater crawling in the bedroom" POV shot that I liked a lot, but the film on the whole has a certain "invading body snatcher" sort of vibe about it that I can't put my finger on and that was done more effectively about 3 years earlier from an unrelated film whose name escapes me. I watched The Brain Eaters on Youtube. Here's a trailer:
So, there was a Super Bowl commercial. Here's a clip, and a link to some of the photos I took of the set when I was in Cleveland that USA Today's Pop Candy was kind enough to feature.
I've seen The Creeping Terror before, but I forgot I had. That's strange. Maybe it was such a traumatic experience I suppressed that information? Possibly. Let's break it down. A couple drive in a car and awkwardly line read when voice-over narration explains why we suddenly see backwards stock footage of a rocket liftoff. Then we see a completely different rocket-ship unconvincingly obscured by weeds with a hatch hack-sawed into the side of it, when suddenly an unconvincing creature crawls out that appears to have been fashioned from carpet backing, craft store fabric remnants, excelsior and vacuum cleaner hoses. We hear futuristic boop-boop-beep noises and the sound of jungle cats roaring, but you're unsure why. The creature attacks and engulfs its intended victim, and by "attack" I mean "slowly lumber toward the intended victim, and the victim them climbs into the creature's disturbingly suggestive and flappy orifice". People seem to talk and act, but you can't really tell because of the bad editing and voice-over narration that doesn't always sync up with the action onscreen. Actors enter the spaceship, and by "enter the spaceship", I mean the actor crawls under what seems like a fence covered in rough nailed-together tin because you can see daylight underneath while you hear screams and jungle cats roar and you're unsure why. Inside this craft every surface is covered in buttons and knobs and gauges, and they're all in English because English is the common language of lumbering carpet sample monsters. Some time later, the monster attacks teenagers necking in the woods, folks in the woods having a hootenanny, and someone tries to save themselves from being suggestively engulfed by fending the beast off with an acoustic guitar; and because it seems to like music and uncomfortable-looking Twisting, it crawls toward a dance of some sort causing a slow stampede of Twisters heading for the exit and mildly upsetting some card tables. More Twisters become suggestively engulfed exposing several stocking-covered legs, and this part is somewhat Tarantino-esque if Quentin Tarantino made crappy carpet sample Twister engulfing card table carnage monster movies. The whole thing is totally amazing, and by "totally amazing" I mean it's just awful, and it's highly recommended if you like stuff that sucks. I watched The Creeping Terror on the DVD set 32 Drive-In Cult Classics because the line at the Redbox was ridiculous and the selection on Netflix still sucks. Here's the dance hall sequence, and it's fantastic and spoilerific:
Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. I did what every big football fan does. I went to the movies and watched a silent film and I overheard all the theater employees complain about missing the Super Bowl. Anyway, The Artist pulls out all the stops. It accurately and lovingly recreates an authentic silent film using all the appropriate techniques. It's beautifully filmed in shimmering black and white and in the correct aspect ratio for the time period, is expertly acted with all the broadness and nuance silent film demands, and has many homages and metaphors. It's absolutely wonderful, and deserves to win all the awards. Here's a trailer:
After their drunk boat captain takes a little nap and by "little nap" I mean "unconvincingly pass out and flop around on the deck", 4 thirty-something teenagers pilot their dinghy to a mysterious island where corsets wash up on the beach, and then they're hunted by a crossbow wielding dude with a Van Dyke beard. There's quicksand, boom shadows, gooey severed body parts, a vat of acid, and lumbering henchmen. Bloodlust is vaguely reminiscent of The Most Dangerous Game and by "vaguely reminiscent" I mean "complete ripoff"...and if The Most Dangerous Game had capris and ponytails, and if the dialogue of The Most Dangerous Game consisted of 'what gives?' and 'far-out', and if The Most Dangerous Game starred the dad from The Brady Bunch, and if The Most Dangerous Game sucked. I watched Bloodlust on the DVD set 32 Drive-In Cult Classics. Here's a trailer:
Eames: The Architect And The Painter is an excellent documentary about the iconic design team that is in tune with the duo's creative and aesthetic ideals. James Franco seems a little out of place as narrator, though. Features many clips of their beautifully shot short films and lots of images of "the chair". I watched it on Netflix, and you should, too. Here's a trailer:
