Bigfoot

It's an epic battle sort of between two teen idol powerhouses I suppose in this ham-fisted SyFy Channel Bigfoot mess. Danny Partridge and Greg Brady glare unconvincingly at one another until Audrey Horne dressed as if she wandered off the set of Fargo shows up, and then WKRP's Dr. Johnny Fever pretends to be a mayor for some reason and no one has any idea what rock'n'roll is actually about.

First of all, Sting would never approve of tearing down trees to hold a rock concert in South Dakota, and second of all 5000 people wouldn't show up to a Sting concert in South Dakota because I doubt the existence of 5000 people living in South Dakota, the existence of Sting, and the existence of Bigfoot. Anyway, a laughably awkward and poorly-realized CGI Bigfoot shows up, and he's got the fever for the flavor of the 27 people who show up for this so-called rock concert, one of whom is dressed like a bargain basement Bigfoot and the other wears those wacky over-sized sunglasses that soccer moms often wear when they attend what they think are rock concerts, and then he goes on a rampage and knocks over port-o-pottys and bites the concert-goers heads off, and not a moment too soon, because Alice Cooper gets trampled, Greg Brady sings, and the real horror begins. Seriously, if you're somewhere in South Dakota and you think you have a Bigfoot infestation problem, and you find a footprint in the snow the size of a Mistsubishi, do you check with the local radio DJ/concert promoter/former child star/Partridge for confirmation? I doubt it, but I'm not sure, and I'm definitely not sure the best way to combat a Bigfoot infestation is to hand out pamphlets.