Thursday, May 2, 2013

100 Million BC


Navy SEALs travel 70,000,000 years back in time using technology from the Philadelphia Experiment to rescue the guy from the Blue Lagoon in this terrible Asylum film. So yeah, the guy from BJ And The Bear sends the dad from Family Ties back in time, and all of the disposable supporting cast gets eaten by poorly-rendered CGI dinosaurs. The whole movie goes south from the jump when a carabiner is badly photographed in green screen, when the crew is reflected in a rock-climbing helmet, and when a SEAL is teleported into a rock a la Han Solo in carbonite. Then an ancient pod-plant ejaculates on someone, someone else gets eaten by a rubber crocodile, and a Birdemic-esque pterodactyl appears. Thank goodness Blue Lagoon was there to shoot it down with his flimsy flint arrow, which is kind of strange considering most of the crappy CGI dinosaurs are impervious to bullets. Don't worry, there is a scene where Blue Lagoon unconvincingly jumps out of a helicopter, because no Asylum film would be complete without at least one poorly-realized helicopter scene. 100 Million BC is surprisingly character-driven for an Asylum film, even though the bulk of the characters mostly just shoot guns and scream.


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