Admiral Byrd, the Hollow Earth Exploration, and UFOs

I attempted to watch some films on Netflix last night, but I was thwarted by an ominous error message which said that my account was in use on too many machines. Out of the 100 titles listed under the Recently Viewed Section of my account, which has such television dreck as Toddlers And Tiaras, Law And Order: SVU, and Bridalplasty: Season 1 in it, I account for 12% of the titles actually watched on Netflix.

12%!

I'm not sure how this is possible, as I have a very refined and sophisticated palate and would never stoop to watching something called Bridalplasty. I'm assuming that the minions within Deathrage Towers have accessed my account, and are just running amok. There's no other explanation. Well, my children; who are all in college, have jobs, and can afford their own Netflix accounts, might have been watching stuff.

Nah, couldn't be.

Speaking of refined and sophisticated, I watched the documentary entitled Admiral Byrd, the Hollow Earth Exploration, and UFOs on Snagfilms through my Blu-Ray player because you really have to keep your head on a swivel around here with the Netflix usurping and all. This documentary consisted of grainy, ancient UFO footage, still shots of typewritten pages with yellow highlighter emphasizing the most scandalous passages, obscure paperback book covers in extreme close-up, and a man in a suit standing behind a podium reading aloud to a classroom full of coughing audience members who look at maps of a Hollow Earth, who I can only guess number in the dozens. Did you know an 'airship' crashed in Aurora, Texas in 1897? I had nothing to do with it, and I'm not sure what that has to do with Admiral Byrd. Apparently, Admiral Byrd knew that there is a secret entrance to the center of the Earth, and it's at the North and South Poles, and that's where UFOs and the Northern Lights come from.

I have a shocking revelation. The makers of this film are correct, and the Earth is actually hollow. I should know, because I've been to the center of the Earth. The Earth is hollow, and at its center is Hell. I spent a week there for Spring Break with Cthulu, my roommate from Miskatonik University. It wasn't as fun as it sounds.

What's Hell like, you ask? Well, it looks an awful lot like a classroom filled with coughing audience members, who sit in the dark transfixed by what a guy in a suit says as he points to maps of a Hollow Earth he posts on an overhead projector.

Sorry, but there doesn't seem to be a trailer for Admiral Byrd, the Hollow Earth Exploration, and UFOs, so please enjoy this refined and sophisticated clip.