Even more half-assed reviews!

According to my daughter's dog, I'm "The Peanut Butter Guy". Whenever this enormous beast comes to visit, he assumes I have nothing better to do than put peanut butter and dog biscuits in his chew toy every 15 minutes. He barks at me until I have given him what he wants.

I am not going to be bossed around like that.

Well dog, I do have a few other things to do than serve you peanut butter. Unfortunately, a couple of those things involve leaving Deathrage Towers, and I can't do that. I am sort of snowed in. The building is empty and quiet today, and the only mode of transportation I currently have available to me is the vintage Alfa Romeo. It began overheating yesterday, and I need to take it to the shop down the street because I fired Auto Mechanic. The Alfa (or as I like to call it, The Sexy Deathwagon), really hates the snow. The instant I get it out on the streets in even a light dusting, it slips and slides and becomes stuck, refusing to budge. And the Alfa is much too small to haul around the enormous dog, his dog toy, and a jar of peanut butter. Regardless if the auto shop is just down the street from the Tower, if we're trapped in the tundra and no one rescues us, I'll be forced to eat both the dog and the peanut butter, and I can't have that, because there's no room to properly cook a dog in an Alfa Romeo because it's a two-seater and there's no place for a spice rack and my daughter might be upset by that.

Well, by me cooking her dog in a convertible Italian sports car, not really about a lack of seasonings.

You know what I mean.

Anyway, I've watched some more movies and I haven't been able to review them because of all the peanut buttering, so here we go:

My Amityville Horror is a documentary about the life of Daniel Lutz, who lived in the house when the supposed haunting took place. I don't doubt for a minute that Daniel Lutz is haunted by something, as he seems genuinely scarred by the experience. His steely, aggressive, and confrontational gaze is the center of the film.

Hold on a minute, the dog is barking at me again.

Ok, I've given him the whole damn jar.

And he's enjoying it on my couch.

I'm a terrible babysitter.

The Haunting Of Whaley House is an Asylum film based loosely on the legend of the actual Whaley House. I enjoyed the simple, effective special effects, but the murder portion of the movie seemed forced and hokey.

There seems to be a lot more peanut butter adhered to the couch than I normally like, so I should probably clean that up. Mrs. Deathrage is going to be very upset. I'll blame it on the dog.

*No dogs were cooked in the making of this post.