Thursday, March 13, 2014

Death Curse Of Tartu

Campers camp in the everglades, do a few seconds of unconvincing archaeology, and then get stalked by a dead medicine man unconvincingly taking the shape of stock footage of various animals in this slow-moving thriller. A loop of native drumming plays incessantly on the soundtrack, and then someone throws a snake. Someone gets startled by a plastic skull on a branch, and then some teenagers unconvincingly make-out on some hay. There's a moment of awkward shimmying, but it isn't anything to write home about, and I'm a little worried about you if you decide to write home to the folks to talk about the 1960s awkward shimmying you just watched in a dreadful movie. That's a waste of perfectly good stationery, because writing letters on stationery is a thing that commonly happens nowadays because it's the 1940s. Seriously though, that letter would probably be one to save for posterity in a scrapbook, and by "save for posterity" I really mean "drop instantly into the shredder like the electric bill or the gas bill or the cable bill or the car insurance bill". Then one of the teenagers is unconvincingly killed by stock footage of a freshwater everglades shark, and then the cast walks through the everglades pushing aside brush. The monotony of watching someone walk through the everglades pushing aside brush is occasionally broken by footage of someone running through the everglades pushing aside brush. Suddenly, the medicine man appears. It's only slightly interesting, and it's at the end of the movie and very brief.

I was saddened that Death Curse Of Tartu was awful, but not awful or interesting enough. Maybe I'm expecting too little and getting it. Anyway, I'm looking forward to watching the second movie on this Something Weird disc, Sting Of Death.

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