The Guy With Secret Kung Fu: Terrible Movies #226

I'm not sure it's what you would call a "secret" considering everyone in the movie knows kung fu. Plus, there seems to be two guys. Maybe that's the secret. I'm not sure. Regardless, The Guy With Secret Kung Fu has a plot I suppose because people keep talking about stuff, but heck if I know what it is. Someone kicks a boat apart, someone else gets a howling wolf sound effect whenever he appears on screen, and there's tons of kung fu adventures with swords and fans and darts and flaming wheelbarrows. If someone put a gun to my head and demanded I tell them what this movie is about, my guess would be fishing. I could be wrong though. I watched it on bmovies.com. The selection on Netflix still sucks hardcore. Here's a trailer:

http://bmovies.com/movie/guy-secret-kung-fu

The Atomic Brain: Terrible Movies #225

An old woman hires housekeepers so she can store her brain in their youthful bodies in this thing someone might call a film. Consisting largely of voiceover narration, jarringly inappropriate sound effects and musical accompaniment featuring Magical Harp, Forlorn Oboe, and Comedic Xylophone in scenes shot on the stairs because that's where most of the action takes place, The Atomic Brain (AKA Monstrosity) is amateurish in every way and one of the worst movies I've ever seen. There's haphazard editing, dodgy accents, terrible special effects and awful acting. Even though it's only 64 minutes long, I thought it would never end. I watched it on Youtube. Here's a trailer:

Ghostbusters: A Good One #149

I don't have a lot to complain about from the film Ghostbusters other than the special effects haven't aged particularly well, the screenplay has a couple of problems, and the theme song still sucks. It's funny, and I enjoyed it. I watched it on DVD because I couldn't find a damn thing on Netflix. Here's a trailer, but it's not as though you're unfamiliar with it:

Frankenstein's Bloody Terror: Terrible Movies #224

Frankenstein's Bloody Terror features elaborate sets, cobweb strewn crypts, foggy streets, bloody chemises, gloomy catacombs, dressing gowns, cardigans, suits of armor, cleavage, pentagrams, cravats, candelabras, a hairdo that looks as though it was created at Dairy Queen, a caged werewolf fight, vampires running through the forest and absolutely no Frankenstein. I have little idea what was happening because I nodded off during some key moments early in the film, but I don't think it matters much. I watched it on Youtube, and I think I'd watch it again. Here it is:

Speed Racer: A Good One #148

In an effort to expand the cultural horizons of the marketing department, I allowed them to watch the first episode of the classic '60s cartoon Speed Racer. It didn't go well. I'm frankly surprised by this as it contains rudimentary animation, high speed chases, fiery explosions, car crashes, motorcycle gangs, neckerchiefs, a bangin' (and totally implausible) vehicle, and an awesome theme song; I assumed they would enjoy it because I like all that stuff and people should like things I like because I'm great. Fail. They're no longer with the company, and by "no longer with the company" I mean that as a company we decided to go another way and they've all been crushed by a safe. I'm sorry they chose to have this happen to them, as that means a mountain of paperwork for me and waste of a perfectly good safe. I'm now taking applications in many departments of Deathrage Industries. I watched it on DVD, and it was pretty frickin' sweet.

They Came From Beyond Space: Terrible Movies #223

Strange meteorites from the moon land in formation in a field in Cornwall which then glow and take over the minds of the investigating scientists forcing them to rob banks because that seems like the right thing to do while swinging '60s jazz plays in this sci-fi film based on the book "The Gods Hate Kansas". Featuring jalopies, rear projection, suspect science, awkward fight scenes, a cow, a plague, an unlikely rocket-ship, and silver anti-alien-thought-control colanders as headgear. I watched it on Youtube. Here it is:

Scream Bloody Murder: Terrible Movies #222

A young boy suffers a tragic arm removal in a slow-motion and completely avoidable tractor accident which then results in many more "accidental" deaths years later in this badly focused horror film. Features scenery chewing, amateurish acting, a nonsensical script, and a moment where the one-armed ax murderer cowardly climbs a vertical rock-strewn cliff wearing cowboy boots in a failed attempt to flee the voices in his head. It's unpleasant and tedious. I watched it on Youtube because the selection on Netflix bites. Here it is, but you won't like it: