Thursday, July 9, 2015

House Of The Yellow Carpet

A young couple attempts to sell a yellow carpet in this convoluted giallo thriller with a script reminiscent of Diabolique. After a woman sucks the blood out of her husband's foot, a creepy dude shows up and tries to buy the only-somewhat-threatening carpet as the cameraman cuts dramatically to the carpet as if it has lines to say. Suddenly, the blinds are closed, candles are lit, and everyone starts discussing stain removers and nail polish, and I realize this movie is one of Martha Stewart's Halloween episodes.

I'm not certain what a bone folder is, but it sounds terrifying, and House Of The Yellow Carpet could have used a couple of bone folders to liven things up. I'm assuming a bone folder is a huge, smoke-belching machine that you shove people into and they get folded up like an origami swan and scream and scream and scream. Hold on just a second, and I'll google it.

OK, I'm back. Sadly, a bone folder is not a people-crushing machine, and googling 'bone folder' is probably one of the most boring things I've ever done, and I can't really recommend it.

Unfortunately, I can't locate a trailer for House Of The Yellow Carpet, but here's a really boring 1960's ad for carpeting. It's only slightly less boring than bone folders.

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