A group of amateur ghost hunters investigates supposed paranormal activity at New Jersey's Burlington County Prison in this documentary reminiscent of Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures. Although they admit from the beginning of the film that they are neither professional paranormal investigators nor parapsychologists, Ghost Hunt: Paranormal Encounter At Burlington County Prison resembles pretty much every other ghost program, as they use infrared cameras, EMF detectors, and digital recorders to document supposed paranormal activity. An affable crew and prison museum caretakers recount a sordid past, which is standard in paranormal programs, and doesn't really allow Ghost Hunt: Paranormal Encounter At Burlington County Prison to stand out amongst its competitors. There's an intriguing, unexplained light anomaly and a threatening EVP, but Ghost Hunt: Paranormal Encounter At Burlington County Prison is marred by excessive downtime, which leadens the pace, murky camerawork, and its fair share of inconclusive evidence.
The tenuous connections between the Holy Grail, the Merovingians, the film The Matrix, and about a thousand other things is examined in exhaustive detail in this dull, convoluted, speculative documentary. After a lengthy drum solo which is totally fine, the film starts as if the narrator was in mid-thought. Amidst footage of sunsets and the sound of indistinct whispering, various historical etymologies are discussed at length, and Leonardo Da Vinci is barely even brought up. Bulls and snakes are mentioned quite a bit, and the film meanders about before pulling a Gotcha moment at the very end and telling the viewer *spoiler alert* the whole Da Vinci-Holy Grail-Merovingian-Matrix-connection thing was in your imagination. I'm going to let you in on a secret: Da Vinci's Darkest Secret is very, very boring and probably somewhat disappointing to conspiracy theorists.
A vampire is accidentally awakened from his probably-not-made-from-real-stone crypt in this atmospheric Mexican horror film. Featuring misty cemeteries, lengthy shadows, barren trees, dramatic lighting, a crypt-like wax museum, a nearly empty hospital of some sort, and bats dangling from visible strings, a not-particularly-threatening vampire is unleashed after a thief removes the stake through his heart while trying to steal a very-important-to-the-plot medallion, and then there's two lackluster dance sequences. In spite of its low-budget, The Vampire's Coffin makes the most of lighting and atmosphere, and I was particularly impressed by the scene as the vampire is stalking a woman walking down a street, his cape billowing dramatically, as the lights cause his shadow to grow to enormous size, nearly engulfing her. The Vampire's Coffin is highly recommended if you like stuff that's kind of lousy.
A story of an alien encounter with the Loch Ness Monster is recounted very briefly in this dull speculative documentary. Featuring lengthy sped-up nausea-cam footage of the loch from a motorboat, lengthy close-ups of handmade rock figurines of Nessie, interviews with eyewitnesses, and footage of sea turtles, jellyfish, cuttlefish, and moray eels (which I don't believe are native to Loch Ness, but whatever), there's very little footage of Nessie herself. Instead, the filmmakers discuss some of the more infamous footage of Nessie without showing any of it, and then spend several minutes interviewing crew members of a loch cruise ship with some really dodgy hand-held camerawork. Suddenly, an anonymous 'high-level' scientist is interviewed about the one time he sighted both a UFO and the Loch Ness Monster, but it's very brief and takes place during the last few minutes of the film.
Zombie werewolves attack partiers in Canada in this dialogue-heavy, slow-moving horror film, and by "partiers" I really mean "stoners sitting around playing video games" and by "zombie werewolves" I really mean "regular werewolves wearing bad werewolf masks".
The film opens as a man and woman battle werewolves on some playground equipment, but it turns out to only be a poorly mic'd dream sequence. Suddenly, some poorly recorded wind blows through the trees as a guy runs over another guy in his car. Then there's a very lengthy and tedious party where people explore their feelings and get high on a terrible couch for like forever, and then someone eats a bagel. Suddenly, werewolves attack again, but it isn't very interesting, but what is vaguely interesting for a minute is the distracting smudge on the camera lens.
Did you know that they sell ketchup flavored potato chips in Canada? Neither did I, but it sounds revolting.
Speaking of chips, I recently had a chance to try Cheeseburger Flavored Pringles. I had no idea such a thing existed, either.
Being a vegetarian and a vehement avoider of McDonald's, I haven't had a McDonald's cheeseburger in years. These chips taste nearly exactly like what I remember a McDonald's cheeseburger to taste like. It's the weirdest thing. Slightly cheesy, slightly ketchupy, slightly pickley, slightly smoky, I enjoyed them, though I'm not much of a chip eater. I have a tendency to binge on them, and it's best I'm not around them. In fact, as I've been writing this, I've gone back to the kitchen 3 times for more chips. I'm about to throw them out the window.
Anyway, after the werwolf attack, the survivors flee for the supermarket where the parking lot is littered with severed body parts, and by "littered" I really mean "there's an arm and a foot and the reflection of the cameraman in the supermarket's windows". Suddenly, there's another dream sequence. It isn't very interesting, although an attempt has been made to have the footage look like old scratchy film, and I don't know about you, but very few of my dreams look that way, although they probably should. Suddenly, a completely different guy starts killing werewolves with a silver axe amidst some dodgy editing, then the cast discusses time zones in the refrigerator case near the bottled iced tea, and then they start discussing Constantinople near the dried spaghetti.
Suddenly, there's a terrific battle against the increasing swarm of werewolves, and by "terrific" I really mean "the werewolves desperately try to hold their terrible werewolves masks on", and then the movie ends, and not a moment too soon. Talky, boring, and featuring very few zombies of any variety, Zombie Werewolves Attack! has one thing going for it, and that's its 70 minute runtime.
A survival expert and a paranormal investigator spend the night in France's most haunted houses in this French TV series. Well-shot, with eerie images of the dark and dangerous interiors of crumbling, abandoned mansions, Dead Crossroads is very addictive, as episodes are only 15 minutes long. Functioning more as a show about illegal urban exploration, a few of the early episodes nothing paranormal seems to happen. Often the explorers have to deal with the living more than ghosts, where they sometimes have to hide from cops and prowlers.
The spooky stories combined with urban exploration makes an intriguing mix, which sets Dead Crossroads slightly apart from other paranormal shows. They use no technological tools like digital recorders or EMF detectors, it's just two dudes climbing through broken windows or trying not to fall through rotting floorboards. However, the program seems to be a mix of real footage enhanced with CGI-created special effects.
Utilizing interviews, drawings, and animations, this Russian documentary attempts to explain the many varied difficulties in locating a Yeti, postulating that it is due to the Yeti being capable of invisibility, mental telepathy, hypnosis, being able to stop time, whistling, riding in UFOs, giving people hangovers, and changing into stones or girls or trees or cats, none of which seems particularly likely. Thankfully, Yeti: The Last Witnesses is fairly brief, which is probably the only real positive I can think of for watching it other than unintentional LULZ.
Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a trailer, but the film is available to view on Amazon Prime.
