Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Three On A Meathook


Chicks are murdered by someone in an old house in this horror film. After the chicks skinny-dip together in a lake, which was a fairly common practice during the 1970s, a creepy guy in a boat rows slowly past as ominous music plays on the soundtrack. The chicks go for a drive at midnight and their car breaks down, and suddenly the creepy guy drives up to give them a hand, which isn't at all suspicious. He then drives them all back to his place, which again was a fairly common practice during the 1970s. Suddenly, the creepy dude's dad shows up and gives him a scolding, because the creepy guy isn't supposed to have a car full of sexy chicks at his creepy farmhouse because 'bad things will happen'. Then the creepy guy offers the chicks mystery meat sandwiches, which was a fairly common practice in the 1970s and isn't at all suspicious considering the creepy guy says they're made from 'Pa's special smoked meat'.

Now, I know what you're thinking, that the creepy guy is going to cut up and smoke these chicks, but again, people often offered one another mystery meats during the 1970s. In fact, I don't think anyone ate anything other than mystery meats in the 1970s. Sometimes they threw parties for the sole reason of putting mystery meat on toothpicks.


So then one of the chicks takes a midnight bath, which again was a fairly common practice during the 1970s, and someone stabs the crap out of her. The killer shoots 2 of her friends, and one of the chicks escapes, only to have her head cut off.

Now, I know what you're thinking, that the title of the movie is Three On A Meathook, and that there were 4 chicks who were savagely murdered. Well, I don't have the answer for that. I guess math was just about as important during the 1970s as it is now.

Then the creepy guy walks around downtown to a soft rock jam, and that was a fairly common practice during the 1970s.


Well, lots of boring, slow-moving, and tedious movie happens, and then it ends, but not before pulling a Psycho and trying to explain the killer's motives. Meh. Here's a spoileriffic trailer.


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