I, Frankenstein

A man wearing a trench coat who knows martial arts battles a bunch of guys in suits and flying monsters in an overly CGI'd landscape in an effort to save humanity. There's a technological Girl Friday, a wingback chair in a crumbling house, a bunch of bodies in pods, multiple biblical references, a subway scene, and at least one fall from a tall building. No, I'm not describing The Matrix, I'm describing I, Frankenstein, where a slightly scarred and mostly miscast Aaron Eckhart is surrounded by demons and gargoyles and action film cliches, and I don't know what it all has to do with Frankenstein other than the cast repeating the name and original storyline over and over again. I, Frankenstein is a really just an expensive episode of Charmed sans Alyssa Milano and the charm, and they should have called it Demons Vs. Gargoyles Vs. A Guy In A Hoody which would have made more sense, or Underworld: With A Dude.

Mr. X

The enigmatic director of Mauvais Sang, Les Amants Du Pont-Neuf, Pola X, and Holy Motors, none of which I have seen, is outlined in this documentary. Featuring clips of his films, interviews with stars of his films, and very little of the director himself, I didn't learn an awful lot about Leos Carax, but I am intrigued by his film-making.

Invasion Of The Space Preachers

An alien crash lands on Earth and interrupts two nerds' camping trip in this sci-fi film that doesn't have many space preachers in it. Featuring wooden acting, an unconvincing space ship, an unconvincing alien that changes into a hot chick, hacky-sack, and at least one mime, Invasion Of The Space Preachers also features hippie dancing, offensive appalachian stereotypes, unconvincing spearfishing, acid-washed jeans, and stock animal footage. There's also The Amazing House Of Dung which isn't as good as it sounds, and a Grey Poupon joke. On the plus side, someone's head explodes, but Invasion Of The Space Preachers is exactly as exciting as a film about invading space preachers could possibly be.

Absolute Wilson

The avant-garde theater director is outlined in this slow-moving documentary. Although I'm familiar with the music associated with him, i.e. Philip Glass' Einstein On The Beach and Tom Waits' The Black Rider, I was completely unfamiliar with Robert Wilson's theater work. His piece "KA MOUNtain and GUARDenia Terrace" was a continuous 7-day long performance on a mountaintop in Iran which caused the hospitalization of himself and some of his performers for exhaustion and dehydration, and is just one of his pieces which test the boundaries of time, music, language, and movement. Absolute Wilson also tests the endurance of the viewer by examining the inexhaustible director/playwright/choreographer/artist and his prodigious output.

The Strange Color Of Your Body's Tears

A man's wife disappears and some other stuff happens in this tedious, over-long, avant-garde film. Utilizing every film technique imaginable and wearing its influences on its sleeve, The Strange Color Of Your Body's Tears borrows liberally from De Palma, Cronenberg, Lynch, Brakhage, Argento, Hitchcock, and Bunuel, and it just goes on and on and on. Basically an extended experiment in editing, lighting, art direction, sound, color, and composition, The Strange Color Of Your Body's Tears boils down to style and technique over plot. It's a beautiful thriller with a sprinkling of horror and BDSM that tries really hard to be deep and subversive, and a good 15 minutes could have been whittled out of it. I give it a meh.

Ragnarok

Some unconvincing Norwegian archaeologists try to unravel the mystery of a strange set of runes in this adventure film. Featuring some lovely fjordy scenery and some suspect archaeology, the adventurers travel across the old Soviet border, fashion an unlikely raft, rappel into a foreboding cave, and flee from a giant serpent. There is one tense moment when the archaeologist's children are being dragged into the lake by the serpent, and one cliched moment when the same children hide from the serpent in a locker. I don't know an awful lot about Norway, or sea serpents, or archaeology, or Andrew Lloyd Webber, but here's a video by Gwar about the Viking legend of Ragnarok.

Like I said, I don't know an awful lot about Andrew Lloyd Webber, and I don't think the film Ragnarok has much to do with the legend of Ragnarok, either, but I've been wrong before.

Knives Of The Avenger

An unconvincingly bleached-blond viking does some unconvincingly knife-related Viking stuff in this slow-moving Mario Bava film. Waves crash on a beach, and people stand around and talk. Sometimes people start fires. Then a guy wearing a fur toga gets startled by a chicken and then he pours water on his head. Suddenly, someone gets knifed in the neck, someone chops a salad, and someone gets an ax to the face. The someone carries a sheep, and a couple of guys hurl severed heads at a bride. Suddenly, an unconvincing fire breaks out, and someone uses the word 'implacable'. Then someone gets stabbed in the face, some other stuff happens, then the movie ends.