Tuesday, August 14, 2012

2-Headed Shark Attack

Like I mentioned in my Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies review, I don't like picking on The Asylum because picking on The Asylum is like shooting 2-headed sharks in a barrel. It's too easy, their films aren't very good, and they suit my crappy film watching needs. If I'm thinking to myself as I often do, "Hey Stabford, you awesome guy, you could really go for a crappy movie, but Netflix is full of crappy movies and there are too many to choose from.", and just I continue clicking and clicking and clicking until 2 in the morning; I can easily pick one of the Crocasuarus/Octapus/Transmorpher/Haunting hot-messes that The Asylum cranks out and get on with living my life. Movies by The Asylum a lot like the movies by legendary low-budget studio American International Pictures; it's going to be dumb and awful and fantastic in a dumb awful fantastic way.

Anyway, 2-Headed Shark Attack is a film where a group of disposable and interchangeable bikini-clad thirty-year old teenagers who shout "Whoo!" a lot go on a oceanic field trip to a sometimes-it-is-and-sometimes-it-isn't-sinking atoll and get eaten by a poorly-realized sometimes-huge-and-sometimes-conveniently-normal-sized CGI/foam-rubber two-headed shark, and Dr. Carmen Elektra sunbathes like she's riding the brass pole. Seriously, how could you not watch that? Anyway, the technical problems with this film are too numerous to mention, so I won't. It doesn't matter. 2-Headed Shark Attack does everything it's supposed to do, which is to be awful and dumb and fantastic. 2-Headed Shark Attack is highly recommended if you like watching Carmen Elektra try to sensuously writhe or try to act, if you like watching buxom Abercrombie & Fitch B-squad models get torn to shreds by a rubber shark, or if you like watching stuff that sucks. It's on Netflix. Here's a trailer:

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