Friday, September 7, 2012

Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol

Last night, Mrs. Deathrage and I watched Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol, and by "Mrs. Deathrage and I watched" I really mean I watched it while Mrs. Deathrage complained about it while she played Scramble With Friends. She briefly looked up from her game and said, "This is the worst movie I've ever seen.", and I said I doubted that as she's played Scramble With Friends during hundreds of bad movies and Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol couldn't be as bad as those, although it was trying it's damnedest to be.

Anyway, Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol is the story of an alien I think who comes to Earth during the poorly constructed guitar solo-filled opening montage and patrols space or Missouri in a space craft or a hooptie Ford, has epic and unconvincing kung fu battles in a field with another alien I think wearing a paper mask and wielding a light saber, makes dreadful jokes, and confuses space patrolling with driving a hooptie Ford or camping. The cameraman arm's reflection is caught in a vegetable steamer substituting for a satellite dish unconvincingly attached to the hooptie Ford space ship as it cruises through various strip mall parking lots or rural back roads, but that's OK because the squealing out-dated hair-metalesque "rock'n'roll with an exclamation point" that's playing on the soundtrack gave me brain damage and I didn't notice anyway and I don't know a lot about hooptie Fords or camping or vegetable steamers. In fact, with all the "rock'n'roll!", faded jeans, and cargo shorts in this movie I could have sworn it was videotaped during the early nineties and not 2005. However, a portion of the movie was videotaped in an abandoned drive-in theater, so I'll forgive the film-makers for creating this excuse to get their buddies together to drink beer around a burning effigy and wear capes and gaze into refrigerators and show the same clip of someone driving (sorry, space patrolling) past a refinery over and over again. Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol is awful, but it's that kind of good-natured awful that's created by earnest fanboys doing what they love, and it's recommended if you like stuff that sucks.

I watched Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol on Youtube on the Troma Channel. The Youtube Troma Channel has hundreds of bad movies and should keep me busy for awhile. And don't give me any grief about watching Troma films, as I once said it's too easy to review them because they're all awful, but they just aren't making as many bad sci-fi movies from the fifties as they used to.

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a trailer for Rock 'N' Roll Space Patrol. Since it's free on Youtube, I'll post the whole movie here for your enjoyment.


  1. I need to see this.....I don't know why.

  2. You should. Every question you've ever had will be answered.