Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Mummy's Curse

A mummy is terrorizing the Louisiana bayou for some inexplicable reason in this cajunesque mummy movie. After a dreadful musical interlude (which is exactly what everyone clamors for in their mummy movies) and some dodgy accents, we learn that there are not one but two mummies buried in the swamp because all that dampness is good for mummies and that's a good place to store them for future use. So some guys go to the top of the Louisiana mountain near the swamp where they've hidden one of the mummy's sarcophaguses (Side-note: apparently, both sarcophaguses and sarcophagi are correct spellings. I'm going with the funnier spelling.) in the convenient crumbling monastery and feed him some soup made from leaves which then causes him to go on a murderous rampage that consists of one or two stranglings. Then a bulldozer causes the female mummy to rise from her grave for an uncomfortably long period of time for a 57 minute long movie, and she turns out to be a brilliant scientist with amnesia and mummy ESP sort of, and another scientist takes credit for her brilliant discovery because she's a woman and a mummy and it's the 1940s. Some dude gets attacked by a mummy, and the only weapon he has to fend off the attacker with is a piece of wicker furniture. Why does this always happen? If I knew that somewhere in my vicinity was a pair of rampaging mummies (and everyone in this movie does), I would be sure to stay near all the mahogany furniture to throw, you know, just in case. I'm certainly not going to be the laughing stock of the bayou if everyone was threatened by hideous murder from a mummy with a penchant for strangling and all I could find to chuck at him was a pitiful little wicker chair. Have you ever heard of a mummy being crushed by patio furniture? No, because it's never happened. The poor sucker caught unaware by the mummy in the flimsy tent filled with flimsy wicker furniture gets the crap strangled out of him, and I've seen too many mummy movies to pull a dumb stunt like that. I watched The Mummy's Curse on Netflix, and it's mindboggling. It's recommended if you dislike science and like stranglings, shuffling, and fainting.  Here's a trailer:

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