Thursday, January 2, 2014

Clearance! All These Reviews Must Go!

Here's a bunch of reviews I never got around to finishing in 2013. Enjoy! Or not. Whatever. I still welcome our vampire zombie robot overlords.

The Heat

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy play an Odd Couple of cops (see what I did there?) in this overlong action comedy. The ribald humor comes at a lightning pace, but the movie could have been trimmed by a solid half-hour. The feels kick in at the 3/4 mark, dragging the film to a halt. I laughed a lot, though.

Dr. Jin 

Purely by accident, I selected Dr. Jin, and it started playing. Since it started playing, I had to watch it. Here's what I think this Korean television show is about: A doctor travels back in time to a period when everyone wore extravagant hats, and then does a LOT of brain surgery in flashback. Sometimes when he does this strangely-gory-for-television brain surgery, he'll find gummy bear-esque fetuses within the patients' skulls. Then everyone has some sort of feelings. It's a lot like a Korean Grey's Anatomy, except if Grey's Anatomy took place in Seoul during the 19th century and had fewer sudsy lesbian sex scenes.


Pre-fab pop group The Monkees star in this career-destroying musical. Completely plotless and consisting of pop surrealistic vignettes interspersed with vaguely anti-war and anti-commercial moments, I still really enjoyed it. It's a fascinating relic from the psychedelic age.

Brainiac (2007)

Formula 259 causes people to change into a humanoid creature with an exposed, pulsating brain that sucks its victims' brains out through their palates. No, not this Formula:

And not this Brainiac:

It's worse.

Brainiac (1962)

Since I was on a Brainiac roll, I decided to watch the 1962 version of Brainiac. I probably shouldn't have. After being burned at the stake, a Baron comes back to life after a poorly-rendered comet passes overhead. Unfortunately, he's now in the shape of a forked-tongued monster who sucks his victims' brains out of their eye-sockets and leaves them for dead in their boxer shorts. Brainiac is slow-moving and tedious, but it has its moments.

World War Z

That guy that's married to Angelina Jolie stars in this zombie action film. While it has its horrific moments, World War Z is more akin to an action-adventure movie than your typical zombie film. The zombies are like swarms of really bite-y lemmings. Do lemmings bite? Do they swarm? I don't know, but World War Z is very taut and thrilling, and effectively manages to dramatize worldwide chaos.

The Moleman Of Belmont Avenue

Two guys battle a moleman that lurks in an apartment building in this amateurish, nearly moleman-free horror comedy. Unfortunately, it's also lacking in horror and comedy. Honestly, it does have a very effective trailer, and watching the trailer makes me want to watch it again. I'm not going to, though.

And finally...

The Gospel According To Philip K. Dick

Conspiracy theories abound in this documentary about the visionary science fiction writer. Unfortunately, the endless interviews of fans, friends, and associates becomes tedious fairly quickly, and the film is not much to look at. The subject matter is fascinating, though.

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