Sunday, January 19, 2014

Cold snap

Deathrage Towers is often destroyed by various supervillains and arch enemies. It happens quite a bit. In fact, it happened just last week. This time, it was different. Some new supervillain named Winter Storm Ion froze several pipes in the penthouse which caused water damage through all 42 floors of the building. Normally, I get some sort of taunt from a supervillain before they strike, and often they make themselves known. No such luck with this villain. If you happen to see Winter Storm Ion, let me know. Just point him out, and I'll handle it.

The damage to the building probably could have been avoided if I hadn't fired the maintenance staff. Well, you live and learn. Since I had no maintenance staff, I did the only sensible thing to save the building.

I called Aquaman. Here's what he looks like:

He seemed a little annoyed when I called. I'm not sure why, as he's a superhero and is expected to save people and junk, and I have an Aquaman hotline telephone in the shape of a conch installed in the penthouse exactly for situations like this. Here's how that call went down:

Stabford Deathrage, Billionaire Man About Town: Yo Aquaman, can you swing by the penthouse and fix my pipes? I've sprung a leak, and all my DVDs are getting ruined.

Aquaman, Second String Justice Leaguer: Um, who is this and how did you get my number?

Stabford Deathrage, Debonair Film Enthusiast: Duh, it's Stabford Deathrage, debonair film enthusiast, just like it says right there. Grab a wrench and stop this leak, man. I ain't got time for this.

Aquaman, Fish Whisperer: You do realize I'm a superhero and not a plumber, right? This doesn't sound like a global fish-related emergency to me.

Stabford Deathrage, Legendary Author: Mr. Freeze is on the loose bursting the pipes of tax-paying citizens and...

Aquaman, Sushi Expert: I'm going to have to stop you there. That's Batman's foe. Call him.

Stabford Deathrage, Soggy Blogger: Um, Captain Cold has escaped...

Aquaman, Worthless On Land: That's Flash's enemy. Call him.

Stabford Deathrage, Irritated Entrepreneur: Whatever. I don't care how how you do it. Communicate with a whale, ride a seahorse, or jam your finger in the end of the pipe. Just get the job done. I've already lost all my DVDs from A-D, and T-Z may not make it. If I have to replace my Blu-Ray of Birdemic, I'm going to be pissed. You've got five minutes to teleport your scaly ass down from that stupid Justice League satellite, Fish Sticks, or else. 

Aquaman, Stuporfriend: *click*, *dial tone*

Hindsight being 20/20, maybe I was a bit harsh. And I probably could have handled that with a bit more tact. Well, that was then, and this is now, and right now I have a partially destroyed skyscraper to deal with. I'll rebuild, and it'll be better than ever.

Anyway, I haven't watched any movies since Aquaman went ahead and allowed my penthouse to be destroyed. The last film I watched was Our Nixon.

Our Nixon is a documentary created using home movies shot by one of the guys involved in the Watergate scandal. It was pretty well done, but a little dry. Also, I'm not up on my current events, so I was a little lost about some of the finer details like who, where, what and why with regards to Watergate and Richard Nixon. One part that I really liked was when Richard Nixon said, and I paraphrase, 'I like my music square because I'm a big ol' square'. Then the Ray Conniff Singers got up on stage and ripped Ol' Tricky Dick a new one. That was pretty sweet, not because I agree with any specific politics or anything, but because I like seeing powerful people squirm a little.

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