Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Malibu Beach Vampies: Terrible Movies #228
This film might actually bump Birdemic out of the top spot as The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen. Bikini-clad girls jiggle and recite poetry on the beach, and they appear to be truth-serum daylight beach vampires for almost 5 minutes of a 75 minute film. There's 5 minutes of terrible credits and the soundtrack awkwardly plays over dialogue. You'll see bad vampire teeth, tap-dancing, hideous acting, and videotape timecode in the bottom left corner in several scenes. You'll hear pitchy acoustic guitar playing, many awful musical numbers, and overhear someone giving muffled direction during dialogue. Scenes seem to begin and end at random, and scenes are replayed because someone seems to like them. Large chunks of movie might be missing. It all seems first take, and flubs are left in. It's astonishing. I assume this is a completed film as there are end credits. Who knows? Don't tell me. I watched it on Youtube through a facepalm. I'm not posting a clip, and you can't make me. Highly recommended if you like ham-fisted political statements, Body Glove, dance studios subbing for television studios, money being clothes-pinned to sheets, being bored and confused, or stuff that sucks.