Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Yesterday Machine: Terrible Movies #232

The Yesterday Machine opens with a majorette twirling a baton in this Hitler-based time travel movie and you be hard-pressed to find a movie that wouldn't be made a tiny bit better by the inclusion of baton-twirling. Don't you think watching Maria Falconetti twirl a baton in The Passion Of Joan Of Arc would've lived that film up a bit? No? OK, then. Anyway, throughout The Yesterday Machine I kept begging for more baton-twirling because everything else in the movie was terrible. Every time I saw that nagging majorette and her 35 year old high school boyfriend with the receding hairline I thought to myself, "Hey girl, shut the hell up and twirl that baton because this script sucks", well, except when the boyfriend got shot by Civil War soldiers. That sort of put a damper on things, but I had hope that when her bullet-riddled body wasn't found it surely means her plucky baton-twirling self would reappear sometime. I don't want to give anything away, but she does, and it sucks. There's also scotch-drinking hospital staff, wooden acting, iffy lip-syncing, a guy on horseback who yells "Witchcraft!", a Nazi scientist who gives a very lengthy monologue on relativity, and very little baton-twirling. I watched it on Youtube and you probably shouldn't. Sorry, but there doesn't seem to be a trailer.

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