Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Santa Claus: Terrible Movies #229

A jolly old hypocrite with a white beard and a gaudy red and white outfit tries to lay down a bum rap on a guy with horns (and I'm not talking about Miles Davis) in this slightly offensive, creepy and disturbing film, and by "slightly", I really mean "thoroughly". Santa Claus commits a little breaking and entering, droplifts, enslaves children to make toys violating many child labor laws, gives a kid a machine gun and an atomic laboratory, and assaults someone with a cannon. Now don't get me wrong, The Guy With The Horns isn't exactly a role-model because he gives children access to rocks, moves a chimney and lights a fire under Santa's butt, but Santa had it coming. It's about time someone lit a fire under Santa's ass because he only works one day a year. Anyway, this movie is just awful. It consists of 90% voiceover narration, a newspaper-based continuity error, and hideous tone-deaf Xmas music. You'll also be frightened by a mechanical Santa, a mechanical eyeball on a stalk, a telescope with lips, several eerie puppets, a rag-doll can-can dream sequence, and wind-up giggling robot reindeer with dead yellow eyes. Yikes. I watched it on Youtube because there still isn't anything to watch on Netflix. Here it is:

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