Wednesday, October 2, 2013

White Zombie

So I started watching White Zombie for the millionth time last night, and Mrs. Deathrage said to me, "Hey, can we watch a movie?" I said, "Well, we're watching one." She said, "No we're not, and we're not watching this." Because I'm apparently not the boss, even though I run a billion-dollar multi-national brimstone-something-or-other business, I stopped watching White Zombie, and it was right at the part where Bela Lugosi plays Bela Lugosi which is all the time.

I wanted to go to the theatre all summer and watch Pacific Rim, because it's not every day that movies about giant monsters wrestling giant robots play at the 3D googolplex theatre, but Mrs. Deathrage wouldn't allow it. It's now available to buy for the completely unreasonable price of $19.95 at the I-Tunes Store. I said, "You wouldn't allow me to go see it in the theatre, so I'm going to buy it now." She vetoed that plan, which I should have seen coming.

She said, "Let's rent something from the Top Movies." So I started skimming through the completely unacceptable list of movies available to rent, because this is October and I said that I was going to only watch horror movies this month but there weren't many horror films and Mrs. Deathrage would refuse to watch them anwyay and I didn't want to go through the aggravation but I was already aggravated. I saw that This Is The End was available, so not giving Mrs. Deathrage an opportunity to veto it, I immediately rented it. She said, "Wait, what is this movie?", and I gave her a brief synopsis. She said, "The Apocalypse? Why, that's my favorite holiday!" which is why I married her in spite of her bossiness.

This Is The End started playing, and Mrs. Deathrage said, "We can't watch it now. I'm not ready.", and she puttered around the house for another 20 minutes with my laptop, so that I have no computer to pass the time and the movie I rented is about 2 minutes in and the TV is paused with Seth Rogan's affable face glowing in the semi-darkness.

I am totally annoyed, so I say, "Honey, can we watch this movie now? I've started two movies and I'm watching neither". She says, "I like you better when you're at work", which is probably why we've remained married for nearly a century.

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