Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Dracula Vs. Frankenstein (1970)

Michael Rennie plays an alien who resurrects monsters for some reason in this glacially paced horror film. Someone pulls the stake from between the ribs of a skeleton, and it starts to regrow some gooey organs. After electrocuting a woman, Rennie then does some open heart surgery on an only-mostly-dead werewolf.

Then there's some billowy curtains, a foreboding, moonlit castle, and a laboratory filled with equipment covered in blinking lights, irritating electronic noises are heard, and people scream, and it sounds an awful lot like what seems to pass for music nowadays. Suddenly, a mummy shows up even though he's not mentioned in the movie title, and then someone takes a go-go-booted stroll by the river as cheezy samba plays on the soundtrack, because nothing's scarier than a gentle samba.

Rennie explains that he's from outer space because of course he is, then he stabs the mummy.

There's a dark cemetery, beakers of bubbly liquid, giant cobwebs, a torture chamber, and shots of the cast's eyes in extreme close up. People walk around, talk on phones, and explain the slower-than-a-plodding-Frankenstein's-monster plot, which seems awfully familiar.

The mummy and the werewolf fight, and maybe they should have called this movie Some Guy As The Mummy Vs. Paul Naschy As Another Of The Many Werewolves He's Played, but no one would go see that and it's too long to fit on a marquee. Since the mummy kicks up a bunch of mummy dust, the werewolf catches the mummy on fire in a giant hamster wheel because that's totally fine.

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