Wednesday, October 22, 2014


A semi-bionic guy saves the world from silver-jumpsuited henchman and giant monsters in this Shaw Brothers film. I am currently obsessed with the films from the Shaw Brothers. They are just so fantastic, filled with pure imagination. And giant monsters. And explosions. Here's what went down in Inframan.

In a scientific control room of some sort where various machines beep, someone named Princess Dragon Mom causes earthquakes at a mountain called Mt. Devil, and everyone seems surprised that there's an actual giant devil living inside it. Then someone catches on fire. Wicked Princess Dragon Mom cracks a whip, and monsters appear. A scientist injects a serum into some guy, attach electrodes to his forehead, and Inframan is born. Then a monster named Drilling Beast causes a Volkswagen to explode.

Suddenly, giant tentacles drop down from the scientific control room's ceiling, you can totally see the strings, and I wondered why they hadn't appeared sooner. The tentacles fling some of the silver-jumpsuited guys around the room, sort of. After someone gets a tear in the seat of their silver jumpsuit, someone hacks a tentacle into pieces using a circular saw. Then Inframan does some somersaults that wouldn't be out of place in the film Turkish Star Wars.

At this point I would have embedded that clip from Turkish Star Wars where someone does some athletic training by doing trampoline-aided somersaults, but none seem to be available.

Never mind, I found one. Yes, I realize by watching this clip you accidentally heard a bit of Enya, but I can't be held responsible for that. Maybe I should have warned you first. SPOILER ALERT: By watching this clip, you might accidentally see some guy unconvincingly karate chop a boulder and you might hear some Enya. There. Satisfied now?

SPOILER ALERT: By clicking on the video above, you'll see Enya and almost no karate chopping of boulders at all, and I can't really recommend doing that. Sidebar: It's recently come to my attention after alphabetizing my CDs that I own an Enya CD. I'm not sure when I acquired it, but there it is. I'm certain I had a good reason for acquiring an Enya CD, but for the life of me I can't really think of one now. Maybe I thought that sometime in the future there would be some sort of Enya-related emergency, and I would need to have an Enya CD to prevent some sort of Enya-related apocalypse, and I would have it. I'll just keep it right there until that Enya-apocalypse happens. I'm certain it will be one of the most calm and soothing apocalypses ever.

Then Inframan kung-fus a mutant.

Some chick with eyeballs in the palms of her hands shoots laser beams, then someone has thunderball fists, and I'm not sure what that is. A high-speed motorcycle chase ensues, then two guys roll down a cliff. Then there's fire spitting, explosions, backflips, 3-eyed bug mutants, and a longhaired beast that shoots lasers from its horns.

Some other stuff happens, then someone gets dropped into a fiery pit, and I can tell you from experience it isn't as fun as it sounds. Then everyone kung-fu fights for nearly forever in a landscape of skeletons. Inframan is just so bewilderingly awful that it's amazing, and it's highly recommended if you like stuff that sucks.

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