Tuesday, March 3, 2015

In Search Of

It's been a little hectic around Deathrage Towers lately. I developed a small hole in the left hand pocket of my favorite jeans, and I was uncertain what to do about it. Since the Unfortunate Ascot Mishap Of January 2015, where all my ascots suddenly went astray somehow, I had to fire Valet, Butler, Tailor, and everyone in the laundry room, and by 'fire' I mean I lined them all up and shoved them down an open elevator shaft, where they plummeted 42 floors to their doom. 

I tried ordering some new jeans from the internet, but I found myself suffering from pre-purchase buyer's remorse from $350 premium denim jeans.

They're ok, I guess, but I'm thinking it's a good idea that when I buy my $350 jeans I should hire a hobo for minimum wage to walk next to me carrying a sign that says, "But of course these are $350 jeans. Would you like to see the receipt?" because I like to help people. In these tough economic times for everyone that isn't a billionaire industrialist, even a billionaire industrialist pauses to reflect on whether purchasing a $350 pair of jeans is economically responsible. So as I was pausing to reflect on whether I should purchase a pair of $350 jeans, and by 'pausing to reflect' I mean tearing the penthouse apart looking for a needle and thread to sew up my favorite jeans, Chauffeur suggested I go down to the local Target and purchase a sewing kit. Since I don't venture out of the penthouse that often or allow any of my employees to look at me directly, I've never heard of this particular haberdashery. Little did I know that Target is a large department store, and they sell men's jeans. I decided to purchase a pair for the reasonable price of $29. I've actually never paid $29 for anything, so I was astonished. Is that how much jeans cost? I have no idea. Now I'm worried that since I spent $29 on jeans I'm going to have to invest in an oil drum, a handkerchief, and a can of beans because if jeans only cost $29 then the country is sliding into economic turmoil and we're all going to become hobos, but I've never met a hobo and my only experience with hobos is from watching the film My Man Godfrey.

Between episodes of worrying about whether or not I'm going to end up living in a van down by the river, I watched a few episodes of the 1970s TV show In Search Of.

It's come to my attention that Leonard Nimoy has died, which is unfortunate. I was never a big Star Trek fan. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a tribble as much as the next guy. It just wasn't my thing. I did enjoy Leonard Nimoy's In Search Of, which is totally my thing. Ghosts, Loch Ness Monsters, Bigfoot, that makes for good TV, and by 'good TV' I mean 'bad speculative TV hosted by a guy wearing an ascot', and by 'bad speculative TV' I mean 'awesome TV and Spock needs to give me back my ascots'.

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