Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Missile To The Moon

Two fugitives stow away aboard a rocket to the moon. Suddenly, the scientist who built the ship discovers them, and serves them chicken and 7-Up. He makes them change into space-clothes, and the fact they agree to change into space-clothes for the chicken-serving scientist they just met seems totally fine. After a one-second training shift, the escaped convicts become his copilots, which shouldn't create any extremely-important-to-the-plot difficulties later in the film. For some reason, the scientist's assistant and fiancee are trapped aboard the rocket as it takes off, and after they're discovered the convict who is the rape-ier of the two makes a move on the fiancee. The prerequisite fight amongst this hodgepodge of a crew breaks out, and the scientist is crushed by a piece of rocketship furniture. Using the finest in reverse-film technology, the rocketship comes to a stop on the moon as someone applies the rocketship brakes, and that seems fine. Then the crew puts on the convenient spacesuits and gravity boots that just happen to fit and seems to be the appropriate amount for the number of stowaways on board. Suddenly, a moon rock comes to life, and it looks a bit like a granite Gumby, dammit.

After shooting the Gumbys with a gun, the crew hides in that one cave that's in every movie. After some dubious scientific discoveries in the cave, some outer space chicks in leotards serve a cornucopia filled with treats on sticks. Then the blind ruler of the space chicks whose name is The Lido says that the earthlings aren't prisoners, but they aren't allowed to escape, and that sounds an awful lot like being a prisoner to me, but I could be wrong.

Some space chicks have a catfight, and one of the space chicks releases an unconvincing giant spider puppet. Then there's some mind control, a stabbing, an extermination chamber, and interpretive dance. A space chick named Zima helps the crew escape, but mind control almost forces her to pull the lever that releases the gas, and I can't believe I just composed a sentence using the words Zima, mind control, and release the gas.

Finally, the creepy guy is incinerated and not a moment too soon, oops, spoiler alert.

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