Thursday, July 21, 2011

Mesa Of Lost Women: Terrible Movies #162

While a chick with long fingernails kisses a dude, a maniacal guitar furiously plays (get used to the idea), then we see the credits and we get some Orson Welles shilling Paul Masson-esque narration, but things don't completely go south until a character says, "Well, it all started on the border a few days back..." and the movie gets all watery-wipe-y and the screenplay kicks into high gear. Is it too early for a clip? Heck no!

Sorry, that didn't have anything to do with this movie, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. People walk a lot, there are too many wipes, there are too many random cutaways with backdrops, and a spider-woman dances for an uncomfortably long period of time using too much elbow until she's abruptly shot by a hypnotized homily-spouting infant-man in a bowler hat. And we have another clip!

Warning! Contains spoilers. Do not watch if you are offended by spider-women, elbow dances, frantic Spanish guitars, boob-clutching death scenes, or bowler hats. Actually, don't watch it at all. You should find something constructive to do with the 6 minutes you'll waste watching this.

So there are way too many WTF and face-palming moments to describe here, but if you watch this movie you'll see some suspect science, hear some of the worst dialogue ever written, and marvel at a gigantic spider with googly eyes dangling from a string. It's boring, completely dreadful, seems light-years longer than a 63 minute run-time, and makes no sense from beginning to end. I watched it on Youtube, and you can watch it below, but don't.

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