Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Monster Walks: Terrible Movies #164
I made a promise to myself. It's a wacky promise. I try very hard to stay true to that promise, but sometimes I fail. And I feel I've failed. I said several months ago that I would watch as many terrible movies as I can, and that I would watch them all the way through no matter how awful. Sadly, technology did not allow me to stay true to my promise. I began to watch "The Monster Walks" on Youtube, and although it was only an hour long, it had taken me a few days to claw through it, pausing the stream in 15 minute intervals and taking a break because of the absolute hideousness of the movie. There was a storm, and when I returned to finish it, I had to start the movie over from the beginning. I do not have the mental or physical strength to watch "The Monster Walks" again. I just can't do it, and there's absolutely nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. The film is your standard creaky "old dark house" tale; someone's dead, there's a reading of the will, the actors sleepwalk through their lines, characters walk from room to room, someone says "That's because of the corpse in the house!", and of course, there's a chimp confined in a cage in the basement. Even though I watched up to the 38 minute mark, there were no monsters whatsoever and I often had the uncontrollable urge to slowly saw off my own head out of sheer boredom, you know, just to liven things up a bit. Well, there was a scene where an unusually hairy arm was jutting out of a wall for a moment, but it could be argued that that only constitutes one-eighth of a monster at best and it certainly wasn't walking. So please accept my sincere apology for not finishing this film, and I'll try not to let it happen again.
Sorry, there doesn't seem to be a trailer available, and there's no way I'm embedding the movie here. If you want to watch it, that's your decision to make. I can't be held responsible if you catch an incurable case of ennui, so don't say you weren't warned.