Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Mr. Deathrage has stepped away from his desk...

Normally my administrative assistant leaves an outgoing message for me when I step away from my desk but she was much too busy being fired. I've been quite busy decking the halls, and by "deck the halls" I really mean shredding Xmas bonus checks after firing everyone and by "Xmas bonus checks" I really mean chasing the last remaining employees of Deathrage Industries from the building in a screeching frothy-mouthed rage wielding my trusty pitchfork named Reliable and by "last remaining employees" I mean the cleaning crew who left Xmas decorations in my sight and that outrage shall not stand.

It's very quiet here. Again. I need to hire a new administrative assistant to tell the human resources manager to hire a new human resources manager and then to hire a whole new flock of minions, and I don't know how to do that. Actually, I'm not sure which floor of the building the human resources department is located because I dislike humans and avoid them whenever possible. I'm now taking applications. Can someone tell me where we keep the applications?

Meanwhile, there's a new year. Some people might think that's important but after 14 billion of them I find the whole thing to be fairly meh. The K-T Extinction Event was pretty cool but those don't seem to happen every day and that was almost forever ago. Might as well recap, I guess. In 2011, I watched and reviewed 390 films. Most of them weren't very good. I would like to make some changes to the blog in 2012 before the "Mayan Curse" occurs, but that seems like a lot more effort than I'm capable of, and if the world ends than who is going to read this thing anyway? You would think I would have gotten a memo on that whole "End Times" thing, but I seem to have misplaced it. It was probably in my administrative assistant's desk, but I shoved it out the window in a screeching frothy-mouthed rage. I need to hire some help. Where do we keep the applications?

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