Thursday, September 19, 2013

House Hunting

Two families are trapped in a house they cannot leave in this supernatural horror film starring the Beastmaster.

The Beastmaster attempts to leave the driveway of this cursed house 23 times, and I think I probably would've only tried 9 or 20 times before giving up. Apparently, the Beastmaster perseveres.

Anyway, someone once said that 'Hell is other people', but I would have to assume Hell is opening your kitchen cabinets to find it's empty except for one lone can of beef stew.

To have to open a can with a giant thumbprint on it day after day in a secluded Sisyphean cabin in the woods, dumping its chunky, aspic-y contents that retain the shape of the can out in a saucepan over and over again, well, it's nightmare fodder. To look into that simmering pan filled with homogenous hunks of crumbling carrots and potatoes gurgling like magma from Hades; it's like looking into oneself, and I may never sleep again.

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