Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Vampire And The Ballerina

A milkmaid gets attacked in the woods where known vampires lurk, and the villagers who sort of help her have a distinct lack of urgency about the whole situation. A doctor gives his diagnosis while girls in lingerie look on, and it's the old "scratched by thorns" bit. Then everyone does an unconvincingly improvised dance routine which doesn't seem to have an awful lot to do with ballet. Someone gets buried alive, then some of the cast decided to take refuge from an unconvincing storm in a place called The Castle Of The Damned. I'm not exactly familiar with the geography of Italy, but if I was ever lost in some Italian woods a short distance from my village while a downpour threatens I certainly wouldn't default to a never-before-mentioned-but-necessary-to-the-plot bit of real estate called The Castle Of The Damned which just happens to be around the corner from a picnic spot. I've seen too many lost-in-the-woods horror movies to fall for that. Now, I might wait out a cloudburst in The Bakery Of The Damned, or The Doughnut Shop Of The Damned, but I certainly wouldn't drink some suspect tea or rummage through the closets of The Castle Of The Damned.

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