Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Dracula Vs. Frankenstein: Terrible Movies #177

OK, hold on tight. We have a lot of stuff to discuss.

After some blood red opening titles and then a shot of a cemetery sign where someone has taped a new sign over the old one, we see Dracula amongst the headstones digging up Frankenstein because Las Vegas is where his corpse was buried, then a chick at a carnival gets her head cut off by an unseen ax-wielding maniac because the carnival is near the graveyard, I suppose. It was in the books by Bram Stoker and Mary Shelley , I think. Anyway, how do I know the setting of this movie is Las Vegas? Honestly, I don't. More on that later. But first let's watch a clip of the film's lead actress with a dramatically plunging neckline singing at a Las Vegas-style nightclub that I'm assuming is near the carnival and the graveyard.

Keeping up with me? No? Well, just try your best. Anyway, Lon Chaney shows up with an ax and a puppy because it's in the script, then every '70s cliche imaginable is trotted out for awhile. Here's a brief list of what you'll see: test tubes of artificially colored liquids, picket lines, blacklite posters, a psychedelic freakout, some bikers, a turtleneck sweater, a Mexican-style poncho, and a beach montage with seagulls and music as narrative. Here's a clip:

While the film does have a creepy atmosphere and some WTF moments; it's poorly lit, has a nonsensical script, terrible effects, and many abrupt scene changes. It's a potpourri of crappy stuff and inconsistent soundtrack choices including haunted house organ, weird Moog-y synth blips, and that classic bit of music from Creature From The Black Lagoon. If you're looking for tons of Drac Vs. Frank action, you might be disappointed as the film only contains about 20% of the title characters, Frankenstein's face looks like an angel food cake that's fallen, and Dracula has a douchey beard and he can shoot Dracula Death Beams from his Dracula Death Beam Ring. I'm not sure why. I think it's in the book. Actually, I often asked myself, "Where are we, how did we get here, and what's happening exactly?". What concerns me most is the setting of the film. Where is this mystical place that has a Vegas nightclub, an amusement park, a beach, some woods, and a cemetery with a dilapidated church all within walking distance? Sounds like my kind of neighborhood. I watched it on Netflix, and it's highly recommended if you like stuff that sucks. Here's a fantastic trailer:


  1. Hilarious review! "highly recommended if you like stuff that sucks" caught me off guard and I sprayed Mountain Dew on my monitor. I may have to steal that one for my own nefarious purposes.

  2. I Googled that phrase to make sure I didn't subconsciously steal it from someone else, and sure enough, I was the top result. Way to go Me! Still getting away with it! Anyway, sorry about your monitor.

  3. Oh yeah, big ups for "looks like an angel food cake that has fallen." That's what I call using quality descriptors. I dig your phrasing, man.

  4. Thanks. When in doubt, I describe a dessert. Or eat a dessert. It's definitely one or the other.