Tuesday, April 29, 2014


The mythical shoe-mending creature from the breakfast cereal box rides a tricycle, a pogo stick, and a skateboard in this tepid horror comedy. A man steals the leprechaun's sack of gold, and even when bathed in riches beyond his wildest dreams, he still can't seem to afford a quality hairpiece. Then the leprechaun does a little voiceover narration while trapped inside a crate in a cobweb covered basement. Jennifer Aniston shows up to carry the movie, and she does it while wearing white LA Gear sneakers and suspiciously high-waisted multicolored mom shorts. Then the leprechaun eats a plastic basement cricket. I'm not sure why.

Have you ever wondered what lies at the end of a leprechaun's magic rainbow? Well wonder no more, it's a rusty pickup truck. That's not important right now. What is important is this vintage Lucky Charms commercial where two children cross-dress as a seductive horse because that was a apparently a thing that existed during the sixties. Seriously, what lengths would people go to in order to acquire a box of crappy cereal? There's only about a million boxes at the local A&P and they run about $4. It might be a little cheaper if you have a coupon. And why would parents allow their children to play alone in the woods with a seductive horse costume? Why? Because those were different times, my friend, and by "those were different times" I really mean "LSD".

Because there really isn't a whole lot of solid script to work with, the leprechaun runs a lot more than he should, darts behind trees, and polishes shoes. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Leprechaun doesn't really resemble a horror film inasmuch as it resembles an absurd leprechaun workout video. It's laugh-free, horror-free, tedious, and not awful enough to entertain if you're entertained by awful movies. I would avoid it, and by "avoid it" I mean "I can't believe they made a million sequels and a 2014 reboot starring someone named Hornswaggle".

Ha! Actually, the trailer is a lot funnier than the movie, so just watch that.

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