Thursday, January 28, 2016

Aliens From Outer Space: UFO Landings, Crashes, And Retrievals

Normally, I would start my review with a brief synopsis of the film. I'm not certain Aliens From Outer Space exactly qualifies as a film. It almost certainly doesn't qualify as a motion picture, as the definition of a motion picture is 'pictures that move'. Aliens From Outer Space is 240 minutes of mostly static photographs with voiceover narration, occasionally broken up by news clips or shaky home video footage, so it would probably qualify as a very lengthy filmstrip.

The narrator stumbles over words, often mispronouncing them, which thankfully breaks up the monotony. Stories of UFO sightings blend into one another in a sort of opaque UFO word stew, and I'm not certain, but I think the narrator accidentally reads a page of script twice. During a retelling of the infamous Phoenix Lights sighting, the screen is black except for 4 white dots for several minutes. A generic guitar soundtrack plays periodically, and it's so bland and nondescript, the filmmakers could have left it out without anyone noticing. Exhaustive investigation into the capabilities of commercially available latex balloons to lift a roadside flare (Spoiler alert: They can't) seems to be filmed in someone's garage. A bit of footage is inexpertly edited, and when the footage abruptly ends, it seems as though the narrator is surprised by this, stops for a moment, and then keeps on reading. I often forgot I was watching a film.

Did I mention Aliens From Outer Space is 240 minutes? Excruciatingly boring, I fell asleep several times during the film. Featuring very little supposed UFO footage for a film of this length, Aliens From Outer Space is akin to a Powerpoint presentation.

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