Sunday, February 6, 2011
Cape Canaveral Monsters: Terrible Movies #53
A man and a woman are on the beach. He's smoking a pipe while a lonesome oboe plays because that's not unusual at all and seems to set up some kind of absurd pipe smoking on the beach kind of mood. Two lights shine off in the distance. These strange lights seem threatening, and it may be because of the piccolo. The couple gets in their car, and a moment later it crashes. You can tell it crashed because of the standard car crash sound effects and the violent shaking of the camera. The man loses an arm in the crash, and the woman nonchalantly remarks that she can sew it back on at the spaceship which we never see. Cue opening credits. Rockets explode, people in lab coats twiddle knobs in a scientific manner, and dogs are upset. A drippy severed arm gets some much needed screen time. Huge plot holes are as abundant as goofy facial scars and stock NASA footage. Things that don't need to be explained are explained in great detail, while some stuff that needs a good explaining gets blown off. Is it day? Is it night? No one knows. This film is a jumbled incoherent mess, completely monster free, and one of the worst movies I've seen in almost a week and a half. On Netflix Instant Streaming.