Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Sasquatch: The Legend Of Bigfoot: Terrible Movies #63

The film opens with foreboding music over wild animal footage. A puma emerges from the forest. A wolf stands in a glen. A bear ambles out of the woods. A moose drinks from a stream. Suddenly, there's a POV shot as the camera crashes through the brush to symbolize the threat of the still unseen Sasquatch. Then the puma retreats to the forest. The wolf runs away. The bear ambles back into the woods. The moose saunters off. An eagle flies through the sky. Then you see the shadow of the Sasquatch while the foreboding music churns on and the credits roll.

This has gone on for five minutes.

Then we get narration while various Bigfoot related newspaper articles fly at the screen with increasing speed, computers are shown doing sundry Bigfoot calculations, and bearded guys (who evidently are not Sasquatch) point at maps. Without warning, a completely different narrator starts narrating in a Shatner-esque style over different scenes of Canada describing the members of the Sasquatch hunting team. We see a Native American guy, and we know this because he's wearing a wig and a headband. Then an old and grizzled bearded prospector type guy (who I'm also assuming is not Sasquatch) yells at a mule.

We are now ten minutes into this film.

Is this a drama? Is this a comedy? Is this scripted? Is this a documentary? Is this Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom? Is this an episode of In Search Of: Sasquatch? There's no Leonard Nimoy, so I doubt it. Anyway, I don't know, and I'm starting not to care. Whatever this is, it's a made-for-TV nightmare and I can't wake up.

Avoid at all cost, especially if you are concerned about animal welfare; as there is a scene with a fight between a badger and a wolf, two bears pull out their fur, horses are submerged, a puma is thrown, a raccoon is verbally threatened, and a badger (A different one? I can't tell.) is paddled with a saucepan. Features multiples uses of the words fellers, critters, varmints and dog-gone, several flashbacks around a crudely lit campfire, and very few Sasquatches. On Netflix Instant Streaming.

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