Sunday, February 20, 2011

Quest For The Mighty Sword: Terrible Movies #58

I have a lot of questions I need answered about this movie. First things first. I'm not going to ask why the titles shake ever so slightly during the credits, or why the first two minutes of the movie seem to be repeated under the credits, or if the special effects department bought the masks used in the movie from the makers of the film Troll 2, or who the hell takes a baby to a beheading, or if this movie contains anything that seems like it resembles a story, or if it's a continuation of a previous story and if so why, or if this is even a movie or if it's an instructional video on how not to make a movie, or how many people in this movie are named Ator, or why the camera is always at crotch level, or why the soundtrack sounds like it was made for an antiquated video game involving crows, or if the film editor is actually drunk, or why there is suddenly a minute of stock volcano footage for very little reason, or why the hell I'm watching it.

The main question I have is what's up with the lead actor's hair? Is it a two-foot long braided toupee? Why is it crimped? Why is it so blond and whispy? Is this movie just a commercial for a new product called Rogaine For Men: Beyond Thunderdome? I need answers. On Netflix Instant Streaming.

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