Friday, February 4, 2011
The Island: Terrible Movies #53
When I started this foolish exercise, I said aloud to the Family Deathrage, "I'm going to watch as many bad movies as I can. If I start it, I'm going to finish it. And I'll review every one." It was idealistic, and in all honesty, I haven't done a great job with that. I have started a few movies and not finished them (for instance, a documentary on Audubon, which was lovely to look at but a little dry), turned off a few only a couple of moments in (Monster In The Closet which is a Troma film and I felt at the time could have been nearly review-proof), and watched a couple of movies at the gym. The gym located within Deathrage Towers has what is known as Cardio Theatre. Initially, I thought this was a killer idea. Then the realization struck me...movies are played here for humans to sweat to and not be overly offended by. Not to mention when I'm rolling my eyes at the stupidity displayed on the screen I could fall off the elliptical and kill myself in the dark and no one would notice. So I watched 45 minutes of The Last Song starring Miley Cyrus (dreck) and Extraordinary Measures starring Brendan Fraser (also dreck, but well-meaning dreck).
So today I watched the last 45 minutes of The Island. Things exploded, gigantic signs fell off skyscrapers with people hanging from them, helicopters blew up, CGI was used within an inch of its life, and physics was disregarded. Dialogue consisted of "Let's go!". Products were placed strategically by the fine people at American Express, Cadillac, and Ben and Jerry's. Using the very finest cameras money can buy, it was as lovely as a commercial featuring any of those fine advertisers and just as vapid. Now playing at my gym, but avoid it like exercise if you can.