Sunday, February 20, 2011
Time Barbarians: Terrible Movies #59
People who exercise way to much run through someone's backyard with swords, loincloths and shag haircuts to triumphant synthesizer music while someone videotapes it. It's supposed to be the past, but with all the unnecessary smoke machine effects, it's hard to tell. Someone in a golden bra says, "Thieves grow from every tree and every stream", and even she seems surprised by that. Sword fights occur, someone else says "Thine", and chicks bathe topless in a stream. Months seem to go by, and yet this movie never seems to end. An eternity later, the "time" part of the movie finally kicks in, and somehow a barbarian travels to modern day Los Angeles and purchases acid washed jeans. He saves a female reporter, she interviews him, and they seem to fall in love. You can tell they truly love one another because there's a flashback montage to cheesy synthesizer music and a clown figurine is sitting on the coffee table in the shot. Some other stuff happens, but you don't care that much. Thankfully, a few decades later it ends, and you promise to never do it again. On Netflix Instant Streaming.