Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Doomsday Machine: Terrible Movies #221

How many costumes do you need in space? Do you need to take a shower immediately after liftoff? And are BarcaLoungers standard NASA equipment? These and many other questions remain unanswered by the poorly shot, poorly lit, poorly written, and poorly acted film Doomsday Machine, and I don't care to know the answers after all. Here's the plot: There's some sort of cataclysm that's going to befall the Earth, but the jargon over the various military loudspeakers make it difficult to discern what the heck is going on. One thing's for certain, though, and that thing is that women in 1971 are just as capable as men in space and they weigh less and conveniently make for clumsy sexytime on your way to Venus. So after some stock Apollo footage and a couple of lines by Casey Kasem, the cast leaves a bad matte painting of the Earth in 3 or 4 different spaceships equipped with seats that look suspiciously like this:

and change into their space sweatsuits, do a little space cooking, and get picked off one by one by various outer space misadventures. There are many instances of not-so-special special effects, one of which involves cast members with bleeding eyeballs being suspended by strings. It's completely baffling and awful from beginning to end, and I wished a cataclysm would befall the Earth so I could stop looking at it. I watched it on Youtube, and I have no idea why. Here it is if you're a big fan of spaceship recliners, but don't you have some laundry to do or something? Those space sweatsuits won't fold themselves:

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