Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Double Dragon: Terrible Movies #213

Robert Patrick (coiffed a la Vanilla Ice), Alyssa Milano, and some dude from Party Of Five stars in this weak and garish kung-fu video game film. In a newspaper strewn and graffiti covered future 2007 Los Angeles, two average fighters attempt to recover some lost jewelry and do stuff, I guess, but no one knows what or why. There's a terrible script, terrible cinematography and terrible puns. You'll see many unfortunate hair and costume choices, lackluster special effects, and one or two unconvincing fight scenes where bad guys are foiled by physics-proof gumballs, a ponytail trapping suitcase, and various pieces of sporting equipment.  It has a vague Beyond Thunderdome vibe, only with half-assed martial arts, excessive eyeliner, and over-sized airbrushed t-shirts and bedazzled denim because everyone will wear those things in the far distant future. Avoid with all your might. I watched it on Netflix Instant Streaming. Here's a trailer:

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