Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Terror House AKA Terror At Red Wolf Inn

A naive young woman wins a vacation in a contest she never entered, and somehow never questions that. Then she never seems to think that a vacation at someplace called Terror House AKA Red Wolf Inn might not be as relaxing as it sounds. And she never seems concerned that she's picked up at the airport in a station wagon with wood panelling and then becomes involved in a high speed chase through the woods being pursued by the fuzz. And she just goes with the flow when they pull up to a creepy victorian mansion and spooky harpsichord music plays on the soundtrack. And she doesn't seem to scratch her head in wonder when she meets two other girls and one of them says, "I'm a model.", nor when the phones don't work, nor when someone serves dinner and says, "I'll be back with the meat in a jif!", nor when they say they have a walk-in refrigerator, nor when the camera lingers on a close-up shot of a roasted crown rack of something with the bones decorated with frills, nor when the camera zooms in to close-up on the chipmunk-like cheeks of the dinner guests ravenously gorging on chunks of what I can only assume is medium-rare former model, nor when someone says, "Best meat you ever tasted!", nor when Pomp And Circumstance plays on the soundtrack. How dumb is she? I knew something cannibal-esque was up at 'wood panelled station wagon'. Nothing good has ever come from someone driving one of those.

Anyway, there's a visible boom, couches covered in doilies, knitting, revealing nightgowns, a seductive cake-filled dream sequence, the camera reflected in a windshield, several plot holes, jars of murky liquids, shark punching, and a giggly bare-assed paddling. It's just awful, but recommended if you like stuff that sucks. Here's a trailer:

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