Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Devil Within Her

Donald Pleasance delivers Joan Collins' newborn 6-month old baby that has a fondness for scratching, biting, and screeching like a wildebeest because it's possessed by the still-living spirit of a dwarf that works at a striptease joint, I guess, and I suddenly realize nothing about the description for this movie is OK. Seriously, nothing good could possibly come from stringing together those particular words, and I'm surprised no one involved in this film could see that. It's Donald Pleasance, for crying out loud, delivering Joan Collins' baby, for goodness sake, and no one seems to be concerned about that, and she apparently became pregnant because she did a not-so-very erotic dance while dressed as a gypsy and banging a tambourine at a voyeuristic dwarf on the make. How could something like that that turn out alright? Well, it doesn't, even when Caroline Munro shows up in polka-dot culottes and everyone drinks a lot of scotch. And it certainly doesn't turn out alright when Joan Collins awkwardly lugs around an oversized swaddled plastic infant that doesn't appear to be an actual infant, and the camera cuts back to the real-life newborn toddler whose expressions are supposed to be creepy and terrifying but whose expressions actually make it appear to be a little bored and gassy. And it certainly isn't OK when everyone seems petrified by this bored and gassy infant and looks into the crib and screams, because it isn't at all the way people in real life actually scream at infants. I mean, you just can't scream at an infant all willy-nilly and hysterical, because they'll never learn that way and probably will never be able to get a decent job. You could probably do that with a cat, but probably not a human infant. Your scream should be in a lower register, and should include some constructive criticism, you know, something they can work with, like, "Hey infant, get a job!" or "Hey infant, maybe you should get your life together and stop sponging off me!" For all I know, those actors were probably screaming at the infant in the crib as the infant was operating the camera, so the infant probably already has a job. Heck, I don't really know anything about cats or infants, so I'm probably not the one to ask.

Don't get me wrong, there are some moments of terror in The Devil Within Her, like the awkward Joan Collins sex scene, anytime the scary nun is on screen, or anytime the scary blind lady from Don't Look Now is on screen, but I don't think the film-makers intended for those things to be scary.

Sorry, but I'm not able to embed any of the trailers for this film, and I tried all of the different names this movie has been known by. Here's a link:


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