Friday, August 30, 2013

Hatchet For The Honeymoon

A guy wearing an ascot kills a honeymooning couple aboard a speeding train with a meat cleaver and wipes the gore off with the dead bride's veil and I'm going to have to stop this review right here. A meat cleaver is not a hatchet and there's no way you're ever going to get a blood-drenched meat cleaver clean with a gauzy veil. I've tried. Dead bride veil material is one of the least absorbent fabrics known to man, or at least known to mother-obsessed lipstick-wearing cry-baby fancy-lads who have a secret sexy-time wedding-dressed mannequin-filled hump-vault, or so I've heard.

You're just wasting time and money trying to clean up those messes from your wedding-fixated killing sprees. Toss out those old, stained veils because there's really only one product you'll ever need to get your murder weapons clean and sparkling.

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