Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Calamari Wrestler/Executive Koala/Deadly Weapons

It should be pretty easy to write reviews for these films. Guess what? It's not. They're all terrible. They all have outlandish plots. And they all have enormous things in them. The comedy should just write itself. Well, it doesn't. 

The Calamari Wrestler

In The Calamari Wrestler, a professional wrestler is reincarnated and attempts to reclaim his former life.

Executive Koala

In Executive Koala, a pickle factory executive's girlfriend has been viciously murdered and he finds he is the prime suspect.

Deadly Weapons

And finally, an advertising executive's lover has been murdered by the mob and she's going to get her revenge with the only two weapons she has.

I wish I could say I loved these films. I can't.

Movies about a murderous marsupial, a pro-wrestling seafood appetizer, and Chesty Morgan should be outrageously entertaining. They aren't. Clearly, they are going to have their scenes of WTF, but instead of going completely nuts, the film-makers decide to play it straight. Using a framework of romantic comedy or gangster film tropes; the wrestling, ax-murdering, and bosom smothering takes a back-seat. Sure, there's a bizarre musical interlude in Executive Koala that has to be seen to be believed, a surreal guerrilla street boxing match between the titular wrestling calamari and a mantis shrimp that's worth a peek, and Chesty Morgan performing one of the most seduction-free and pathos-laden strip-teases ever committed to film; but those highlights are just brief moments in three very tedious full-length films.

Not that I'm saying you shouldn't see them, because you should. It just won't be very pleasant.

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