Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Deep Space: Terrible Movies #108

People in lab coats frantically slap their fingers against keyboards in a desperate attempt to look scientific while computers flash lights and make bopp-boop-boop noises. Then suddenly and with very little warning except for the never ending credits, Julie Newmar appears talking on a phone. She'll do that a lot. Then there's a badly lit crane shot of Bo Svenson smoking a cigarette in a car while foreboding synthesizer music plays. Then he gets shot for some reason but it doesn't seem to bother him that much while a car flips over and explodes. Ron Glass is there, too.

Then there are more lab coats, and some military guys talking science-fictiony things, and it begins to seem very familiar, as if you've seen this exact set-up in every single Fred Olen Ray movie you've ever watched, and you wonder if the movie is ever going to get to the point because it's been playing for almost 10 minutes. Thankfully, Bo and Ron talk and drive cars like Bo was never shot in the earlier scene, and there's a Valley Girl standing beside a station wagon with a flat, and a fireball steaks across the sky looking like a marshmallow that got too close to the campfire, and lo and behold, there are two winos camping.

The fireball crashes, and it's a UFO I guess, and everyone runs to the crash-site because that seems like the sensible thing to do. Suddenly, there's tentacles, and the Valley Girl is killed, and the crash-sites looks like a tinfoil Thunderdome littered with gooey body-parts. There are camera and boom shadows, an intermittent cricket noise, some creaky shtick, styrofoam "organic rocks", garish acrylic sweaters, and you wonder why James Cameron or H.R. Geiger never sued and you figure it's because they already have $4. Special effects consist of throwing a salad eating crab through a dog door then knocking it through a window with a baseball bat, a pair of Keds, and a jar of murky-looking yellow liquid. Nearly 99% space-free. Completely awful in every way. I watched it on Netflix Instant Streaming.

We have a clip? Awesome! It's in German? That's ok, it doesn't matter.

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