Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Zapped!: Terrible Movies #100

Well, here we are. This is the 100th terrible movie I've watched since starting this blog in late December 2010. I wanted the 100th to be very special. It isn't.

Chachi, Eight Is Enough, and Hong Kong Phooey have inane adventures at a high school with thousands of seniors whose average age seem to be 28. Through an accidental inclusion of Jack Daniels into a plant growth formula, lab mice and Scott Baio acquire incredible telekinetic powers. You can tell Scott Baio is using telekinesis because he gets a very constipated look on his face and sort of raises one eyebrow. Then things float lazily around the room, such as a teenage girl or a creepy ventriloquist's dummy, as if someone off-camera is holding these things up with strings like a marionette. Anyway, all that's really important to anyone in this movie is cheating roulette wheels and finding a date to the prom, which is generally what's important to most teenagers nowadays. The action in this film consists of prune juice based humor, salami based marijuana inspired dream sequences, cliched amusement park montages, multiple topless females, Willie Aames wearing high-heeled boots, floating mattresses, and Lawanda Page calling Scatman Caruthers an ugly spasm. It was like an early 80's sit-com that isn't very funny and lasts for 90 some-odd minutes. This film is so bad I wanted to saw off my own head to make it stop. I'm going to say one positive thing about it, though. If you're looking for an accurate portrayal of what most people looked like in 1982, this is probably it. They wore knee-high socks with stripes, tiny shorts, Lacoste shirts, Nike Cortez shoes, had their hair parted down the middle, and it was awful. I watched it on Netflix Instant Streaming, and unless you want to have flashbacks of high school no matter what year you graduated, I'd avoid it.

What? No clip? It makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about reliving the experience, so no. No clip.

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