Monday, April 11, 2011

The Dungeonmaster: Terrible Movies #98

You might want to sit down for this.

A guy in orange short-shorts runs through town changing traffic lights with his magical over-sized computer glasses because apparently he's a computer nerd trying to fit in some cardio after a tough day at the office to some awful early 80's synth music. Meanwhile, his girlfriend is leading a leotard and leg-warmer clad dance troupe, only it's oddly reminiscent of this:

Then, after some love story exposition is set up, and it's really stupid, where the girlfriend is jealous of the boyfriend's relationship with his computer; the couple are Tron-ed into some devilish realm of dungeons and cartoon dragons and swords and magic and lasers. Dwarves steal boyfirend's computerized wristcuff that looks like it was made out of the remnants of Jennifer Beale's cut up sweatshirt, awkward-moving stop-motion animated statues shoot lasers out of its forehead, and boyfriend has to complete 7 tasks, but you wish he wouldn't because they all suck. Then there's a devil puppet that looks like Billy Idol chewing when it tries to talk, zombies with swords, and a frozen Jack The Ripper. Then, with very little advanced warning, the metal band W.A.S.P. makes an appearance, and there's an epic battle that consists of Blackie Lawless gently tapping boyfriend in the head with his guitar, causing boyfriend to become unconscious. It's even cheezier than it sounds. Oh wait...we have a clip? Great! Because a picture is worth a thousand words, or 7 directors, I can never remember which:

Well, the movie rambles on a while longer, and it has a cut & paste feel about it, like someone circled words in the instruction manual of a Commodore 64 computer and the collected works of Gary Gygax and called it a script. Absolutely terrible, and I probably should have saved this one for my 100th movie, but I didn't. On Netflix Instant Streaming.

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