Friday, January 4, 2013

Fantasy Mission Force

Jackie Chan does some stuff in this thing someone called a film. None of it is very good. My daughter StumbleUpon-ed this list someone made of the weirdest films they had ever seen, and surprisingly enough I haven't seen some of them. I don't StumbleUpon. I search with a purpose, but I admit I have aimlessly Wikipedia-ed in the past. Did you know that Mzungu is the Bantu term for 'someone who wanders'? Neither did I. Did you know that the Urban Dictionary calls the hypnotic state caused by aimlessly clicking through Wikipedia a Wiki-trance? Neither did I. You learn something new every day. Anyway, I think StumbleUpon-ing is something the young people do, but saying "StumbleUpon-ing" and "something the young people do" and "you learn something new every day" is probably something that old people say and I probably shouldn't say it.

I just tried to go StumbleUpon something, and I have to sign in; and I don't remember my log-in information, and that sounds a lot like effort and I hate that. I'll have my daughter StumbleUpon something for me, and then I'll complain about it.

I've grown tired of waiting for my daughter to wake up, so I asked my wife to StumbleUpon something for me, and she said that StumbleUpon-ing is so 2010. I don't know what that means.

I'm not knocking StumbleUpon. I just think it's a lot like listening to the radio. You have to wade through a lot of static to get to what really interests you. Anyway, I'm hoping if I write StumbleUpon enough some more suckers, oops, I mean 'people interested in bad film' might StumbleUpon my blog. I should do that more often, you know, just write a bunch of words to increase my chances of scoring a Google Search hit. What's that called? Oh yeah, I remember now. It's called Shamelessly Begging.

What do people like nowadays? Heck, I don't know, but it probably isn't any good. I just took a peek at Yahoo to see what is trending, and I have no idea what any of that stuff is. Apparently, people who read Yahoo want extra cash, have stressful jobs, are concerned about bloating, want to lose those extra pounds, and would like to buy Ronald Reagan's house. Who would have thought? I don't find any of those things to be very interesting, but what do I know? Well, I guess I'll give Shamelessly Begging a try:

Lindsey Lohan. Star Wars. Paula Deen. Kelly Clarkson. Hulk Hogan.

Hmmm. That's a wacky list of things to be interested in. I'll see if Shamelessly Begging increases traffic, but I don't think whoever StumbleUpons or Googles my blog will like the results. Anyway, here's the link to those weird films:

I like lists, and I like lists of weird movies, and I like lists of weird movies I haven't seen. Lists of weird movies I haven't seen are pretty rare. If it's weird, I've probably seen it. I have to give the author of that list some props, as I somehow missed out on 18 out of 36 films. I would make a list of The Weird Films From This List Of Weird Films That Stabford Hasn't Seen, but that involves effort, and my time might be better served by just shutting up and watching those films I haven't seen.

Anyway, I have no idea what Fantasy Mission Force is about, and I don't want anyone to tell me. All I know is that there were kilts and sumo wrestlers and headbands. Scenes just seem to start and stop, seemingly at random, all while accompanied by music inappropriate for the action onscreen. There's flying and leaping and somersaulting and sword-play and gun-play and explosions. There was a demolition derby of sorts and a haunted house and cannibals and Nazis. Fantasy Mission Force was tedious, but I recommend it if you like stuff that sucks.

17 films to go.


  1. 'Fantasy Mission Force' is totally bananas and rad. It's no 'Mad Mission', but then again what is.

  2. 'Rad' is something that the young people say, but yes, I suppose it is.