Saturday, October 20, 2012

Baron Blood

Elke Sommer gets awfully bosomy in a torture chamber, summons a ghostly baron, and wears an assortment of jaunty hats in this hat-filled horror film. Incantations are read, plot-integral parchments are accidentally burned, and Elke wears distractingly long false eyelashes. Generally, I try not to read aloud  any old parchments I find, especially if they're filled with arcane invocations. Actually, I try not to read any incantations or invocations regardless of what they're written on aloud because it always comes to no good, and by "no good" I mean they usually raise bloody undead corpses with an aversion to disinfectants that have a tendency for wearing foppish hats and who shuffle around stabbing or strangling people as they buy a refreshing Fanta from a vending machine, or even worse, summon Joseph Cotten. And then Joseph Cotten shows up wearing an ascot, and you suddenly wish you were watching any number of his great films such as Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons, Shadow Of A Doubt, Gaslight, The Third Man, Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte, or Touch Of Evil, none of which are this movie. I watched Baron Blood on Netflix. Here's a trailer:

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